title 1: Imaginary Friends - title 2: a 14 yr old's drunken drivel about shit - title 3: fluff and script about fluff and script and euthanasia

Consider this...

i made you all up

i took what i wanted of each of your displays and snippets and

poof

there you all were

so eager to have what i subconsciously edited into existence

i simply ignored the bits instigating the internal
at times

external winces of embarrassment
and at others
outright revulsion

constantly on mode of better than and superior to

suggesting they would thrive in a chaotic world by murderous means

so yeah, take us all out

i'm waiting...

given, we are all assholes

simply shitting out what we've consumed

mostly fluff and script

we are a hollow people

we can only see what we will in our supposed freedom so aptly described by DFW

"the freedom all to be lords of our tiny skull sized kingdoms, alone at the center of all creation"

satisfied on our "default setting"

which is comprised of said fluff and script

that which has been plotted in the "real world" of "wanting and achieving and display"

you're a lucky one if it is cud
because for most it is shit

it was once processed and digested

while now the toxic byproduct is all that remains
to be consumed again and again
believing our contrived conveyances

the utmost
the be all end all of our own fucking insignificance

what do we really do for our surrounding energies

because that is what we are

energy in constant flux

so if we constantly put out falsehoods, embellishments, misdirected anger, and hateful delusion
then how are we ever to know what we are
or of what we are meant to be

how are we ever going to progress beyond this sludgy quagmire in which we all currently wade
content to have reached a buoyancy at neck level
as we continue to proliferate the tried and true
which is this

this awful mess

in mine (the awful mess that it)

i covet escape from my own experience

a way of not having to focus on what i am
because i've mostly felt i am many
and don't want to claim i know what that is
and because i am alone in my experience of this so called many

i've learned to hide it
to hide my experience

to be seen as acceptable
and to not be told i need to seek the means to be something other than what i am
whatever that may be...

anecdote
rolling away the particularly heavy recycling bin i notice a motionless lizard
with fue respect i pick the flattened body up by the tail to bury
though the lizard was alive
jaw cracked and bloodied to the rear of its skull
belly widened by the compression of weight above the wheel which delivered it
it writhed in fright and agony
i knew what i had to do
i went into the house to grab the sharpest heaviest knife
after a tearful hesitation
i chopped off its head and buried it
i'd rather end suffering than callously walk away from it as if it meant so much less than i
maybe that's the Yaqui in me (1/8 is hardly much)
it's what i would hope anyone would do
if i were beyond physical rehabilitation

i'm not worried about what is beyond my comprehension

this is because i do not fear death

i am humbled enough in life to feel a draw to it

possibly because my veil here is so thin
and possibly because it will be an enlightening as to how and why we are stuck in this defective groove

maybe it will afford a means to nudge the needle head which continuously skips over the same two tones on this grand shoddy vinyl we tread

possibly then i will take my place in the transformation of this into the next

and by i
i mean the energies which surround

of which i am comprised 

hence death
and a possible nothing
or just something different
anything but this constant hum

i am never alone

yet always lonely

so i made them up

all of them
and i do everyday

i write to them

i laugh and talk to them aloud

and hold them close to me

and touch their cheeks in the most loving manner

all of this i want

to be the fallible me

the clayfooted 'mo'

i don't claim to know shit about shit

i am just observant and i have opinions

what i do know

is that with my imaginary friends 

i can never do or say or be something wrong or upsetting

i am always just so
rightly human

and i love them for it