ebb and flow caught in stagnation AKA pity party

Rib cage cracked
Skull sawed open
Yet I walk
I speak
I fumble
Bleeding
Lay myself before all
Under construction
Dreaming of the moment my presence remains a delight
Where the fissures and scaffolding are not visible
Where my wool flannel bandages do not catch the light and cause
the tone
the wincing
The repulsion made commonplace in my stead
No friend,
I do not find these never-ending transfusions amusing
Blunt is my experience
Grace has never been my bedfellow
These tubes and clamps holding me
scrape your skin
trip you upon your approach
All I have to give you as your respite
is my back as I fade out of your view
into another attempt at being

March 25 2016 at 7:24am

A note to self from my selves

i remember this place...
i can't say i'm happy it's visiting. but i guess it's here because it's time to go through and heal it. i honestly forgot about these cracks.
i recognize i've fallen into them when people i respect are blatant in their conclusion that i'm nothing more than a sad joke...it's so hard not to agree with them...and then it's too late.

lesson learned...always the hard way

       pull yourself out of the ugliness

i stopped fighting it. it hangs around in all of its shameless clangor and i'm here, engulfed, hoping no one will notice.

but they did, and do, and now you're an embarrassment...a spectacle which is testimony only to its own defeat...something to avoid...someone to disregard...a wasted moment in a soon to be forgotten past.

       never lose sight of yourself.

the bog overwhelmed me...stifled my senses and i lost my grip.

i let go.

September 22, 2011 at 5:03am