lumbering through

head hollow and heavy

allowing the onerous air
of never having learned to be 14
fill the vacancy of some vital organ’s removal

convalescing from the peak's drop

where edits mirrored worsen this affliction
and the suffocating silence of the everyday
hinders rudimentary distinctions

resolve misplaced

in the bedlam of my solicitous nature
always ‘overdone’
attempting ‘too’ much
‘too’ hard
‘too’ soon
beyond the limits of ‘normalcy’

Normal and its inability to fathom

the discourse among the cranks and cogs

where conversations

with the back of your head
via previously recorded transmissions
reveal a multitude of counterfeits
and I am figured once again
to stand amongst the loathed

plodding environments of foreign methods

when met, flashes of comparisons
contribute to the reckoning of falsehoods
and my truth is pulled from the ranks of the wretched
though not to your understanding

so I sit here in the company of grey lives

10 feet away from one of the many
lusting for the blade that scored my expectations
revealing the deep purpling magenta
of my actuality

bellowing closed mouthed

where the reverberations of such shrill frequencies
flay the cords of my tone
rivaling the song of swine at slaughter
in an attempt to remind myself of that hue

my passions and true clout reach deep

beyond the niceties of pubescents
I ditched class the day the kids sat mesmerized
to run wild with the purveyors of
sensation
enchantment
and the ethereal

how to approach my now greying fingertips

complacent in maintenance of this grizzled life

as the dream seer saw

a profession as death’s doula
owning the absence of fear
in the dismissal of this fleshy function

I read it further as my time here is now

drawing to its close
these energies no longer carrying a true shine
muddled by the distance and convolution in the figuring

how to revive a seed having gathered decades of dust

upon an abandoned shelf

will that dust compact itself and act as nurturing soil

comprised of dead skin cells and space rock

how do I encapsulate your stance
underneath thunderheads of sheet mold
the life grown out of a temporarily fixed milieu

to prolong the burgeoning